How Not To Get To Dublin Airport
This story was inspired by my recent trip to Switzerland for the Snow Polo World Cup. My flight was at 11.20 am and here is a list of things not to do on the day of your flight if you actually want to make it.
Step 1: 9.00 am
Don’t wait until the morning of your flight to try and buy a backless bra to wear with your ball gown, only to realise that no useful shops are open and you are going to have to buy a bunch of tape and hope you will figure something out later.
Step 2: 9.20am
Don’t try and change money at several different banks then discover that again, nothing is open yet. COME ON DUBLIN WAKE UP!
Step 3: 9.30am
Don’t casually stroll back to your apartment and stop for a matcha latte and paleo muffin on the way less than 2 hours before you are due to take off.
Step 4: 9.35am
Don’t forget to go to the locksmiths for several months to fix your dodgey apartment building entrance key.
Step 5. 9.45am
Don’t waste 10 minutes trying to jam your key into the lock praying it will work and then recruit the local postman to help you.
Step 6. 9.50am
Don’t let the postman call a random apartment number, tell them to come downstairs to collect post, and then let said postman run away.
Step 7. 9.55am
Don’t tell the random neighbour who is now downstairs that the postman ran away and there is in fact no post, but you have a flight to catch in less than an hour and you definitely do live there so please can they open the door.
Step 8. 9.55am
Don’t live in an apartment building where you discover an hour before your flight that random neighbour on the other side of the door can also not open the door as the lock is now completely broken.
* We later discovered that someone had broken their key in the door and the broken part then jammed the lock.
Step 9. 10.00am
Don’t enlist the help of 5 construction workers who are fixing a nearby road to breakdown said apartment door using a crow bar.
Step 10. 10.10am
Don’t get caught standing outside with 5 construction workers who are trying to break the apartment building door down by an unsuspecting neighbour returning back to the apartment building. This neighbour will instantly, and probably quite rightly, assume you are up to no good.
Step 11. 10.20am
Don’t slip your key through the mailbox to the random neighbour on the inside and tell him to go to your apartment and get your suitcase, passport, and camera bag (OBVIOUSLY, Instagram is always important), and then chuck it out the window so you can make your flight.
Step 12. 10.25.am
Don’t discover that there is actually a fire escape into the building with an entrance through the hearing aid shop around the corner.
Step 13. 10.30am
Don’t run up to your apartment to thank random stranger for getting your suitcase and passport only to then go into your apartment to grab the faux fur scarf that you stole from your mothers closet and in the rush leave your phone on the bed while you dash back down the fire escape.
Step 14. 10.50
Don’t arrive at the airport 30 minutes before your flight with no phone and no way of contacting your friend who is waiting at the airport, and at this point thinks you might have died.
Step 15. 11.00am
DO buy a bottle of champagne 20 minutes before your flight leaves as celebration for making it- YOU’VE EARNED IT
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